Our meddling intellect/ Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:--we murder to dissect.

Well I have been missing for a while. Not as long as some but still a time. As of late I've been doing my best to keep up with my studies and assignments like a good little student. It is kinda a chore because you plan and plan and then this teacher wants to throw a surprise at you, like a porfolio. Courses aren't too bad this semester. I'm taking FYX with O'Dell (he's on the people who inspire me to teach list along with Cypert (3) and Perry (1)) and I have him for Great Books 202. Today we discussed the geometry and the soul...yeah it was interesting. I have one of these classes with Starr so that's nice. These classes are almost guartenteed A's--I preform well for him because he's open minded. I have Finite math with a professor named Edge...he looks (and please don't take this the wrong way) as if Peter and Junior somehow had their DNA combined....he's tall and thin an has Peter's Hair and laugh but Junior's pants from Sophomore year....yeah I have this class with most of D3 including Quita. Quita is also in my Romantism class...which we will not be talking about X_X. My first day in Intro to Education really was terrible the professor is an old bitty that seemed to loath the entireity of the class...she really was spiteful. Anyway when I'm not at class I'm at work...which is worse now that Tamera left. It was sad....they're looking for someone to replace her but so far they have no one.

So when I'm not at work or in class or buying supplies with Quita, Starr and Billy at Wal Mart...I'm usually trying to hunt down people. Lisette and I have been playing phone and IM tag for the last 2 weeks I think. I've been trying to find Jonnell for like a month...I swear her brothers are lying when they say she's not there....that just frustrates me. You know I can't even find Nancy....maybe I got the wrong e-mail..who knows.

Quita is sick I'm worried about her...she's fine but she's not herself. She usually humors me when I jump on her bed like a playful kitten and want her attention. Today she just rolled over...it reminded me about my mother. When my brother was born, my mom had this post pardom depression episode where she wouldn't get out of bed and would always just roll over when I tried to talk to her...it doesn't make a good comparison but the look in Quita's eyes took me back to that time...Q wondered off the other day late at night. She and T had a bit of a quarrell and I thought she wondered off to think. She was gone for a while and I got worried that she might be crying so I went to look for her. I looked for 30 minutes and I couldn't find her. I got really worried and I started running all over the place. When I finally found her I just plopped down on the floor and stayed there til she was ready to leave. I feel a lot of the time that Q is all I got...at least while I'm out here in Macon. Like she's the only person I can depend on for anything at anytime, no offense to my other friends but Q is physically here you know? I hope Q gets better soon for all our sakes ^_^

I read Lum's blog today. Even though she and I don't talk anymore I still like to drop in and check on how she is doing. Sometimes her thoughts make me smile. That's where Q and I found out about her seizure. When I read her blog at first I thought it was one of Lum's many entries from her novels--then I realized it was about her. I was scared. I don't know...something to the effect of when Quita texted me that Jon died...but not nearly the same. I just felt sick. I've always held Lum in high regards even after our fall out. She seemed...transendent to me...I don't know how to explain it and really I don't think I have to because you all have heard me talk about her before...it seemed like...something that shouldn't have happened. Like my wreck...it happened, it just did there isn't some greater meaning to it in my mind it just happened. In my mind I really am like anyone else so my mentality wasn't that this is suppose to happen to other people not me it was Fuck I have no car and I made my parents cry. I don't know if it's normal to worry more about that then like the can I walk am I going to die...I don't know but to the point...the mentality when it comes to Lum is that things like that don't happen to her. At least if I had my way they wouldn't....this all so sounds so trite and pointless....I just sincerly hope it never happens again....I don't like seeing people I care about hurt.

I really wish there was something I could do but I can't so I guess all I can do is pray...but I never was the praying kind....

"Would you rather be lied to and be together or be told the truth but it meaning the end of?"

"Drowing Lessons"

Without a sound I took her down,
And dressed in red and blue I squeezed
Imaginary wedding gown
That you can't wear in front of me.
A kiss goodbye,
Your twisted shell,
As rice grains and roses fall at your feet.
Lets say goodbye,
The hundreth time,
And then tomorrow we'll do it again.
Tomorrow we'll do it again.
I dragged her down,
I put her out,
And back there I left her where no one could see.
And lifeless cold
Into this well
I stared as this moment was held for me.
A kiss goodbye,
Your twisted shell,
As rice grains and roses fall at your feet.
Lets say goodbye,
The hundreth time
And then tomorrow we'll do it again.
I never thought it'd be this way.
Just me and you we're here alone.
And if you stay,
All I'm asking for is
A thousand bodies piled up.
I never thought would be enough
To show you just what I've been thinking.
And I'll keep on making more,
Just to prove that I adore
Every inch of sanity.
All I'm asking for is...
All I'm asking for is...
These hands stained red
From the times that I've killed you and then
We can wash down this engagement ring
With poison and kerosene.
We'll laugh as we die,
And we'll celebrate the end of things with cheap champagne.
Without...
Without a sound.
Without...
Without a sound,
And I wish you away.
Without a sound,
And I wish you away.
Without a sound, without a sound,
And I wish you away.
Without a sound, without a sound,
And I wish you away.
Without a sound, without a sound,
And I wish you away.

"Early Sunsets Over Monroeville"

Late dawns and early sunsets,Just like my favorite scenes,Then holding hands and life was perfect,Just like up on the screen.And the whole time while always giving,Counting your face among the living.Up and down escalators,Pennies and colder fountains, Elevators and half price sales,Trapped in by all these mountains. Running away and hiding with you,I never thought they'd get me here.Not knowing you'd change from just one bite,I fought them all off just to hold you close and tight.(But does anyone notice? But does anyone care? And if I had the guts to put this to your head...But would anything matter if you're already dead? And should I be shocked now by the last thing you said? Before I pull this trigger, Your eyes vacant and stained...But does anyone notice? But does anyone care? And if I had the guts to put this to your head...And would anything matter if you're already dead? And now should I be shocked by the last thing you said? Before I pull this trigger, Your eyes vacant and stained...And in saying you loved me,Made things harder at best,And these words changing nothingAs your body remains,And there's no room in this hell,There's no room in the next,And our memories deafeat us,And I'll end this direst.But does anyone notice? But does anyone care? And if I had the guts to put this to your head...But does anything matter if you're already dead?And should I be shocked now by the last thing you said?Before I pull this trigger,Your eyes vacant and stained...And in saying you loved me,Made things harder at best,And these words changing nothingAs your body remains,And there's no room in this hell, There's no room in the next,But does anyone notice there's a corpse in this bed?)

HOLY SHIT I FOUND MY CLONE!!! She's cooler than me.....


I now know what I would look like as a rock star.....::tears:: I want to be cool! I found this when I was looking for some kinda artwork for a new blog I want something different. Perhaps in ka-hoots with a great new anime to watch...I'm anime-less...it makes me sad. And this chick with her guitar pop up! I thought it was nifty......and scary ^_^ Funny-ly enough though she only looks like me in this one pic. Hmm...I want my hair to do that.

Anyway I move back to Macon tomorrow ::explodes with Joy::

I miss my dorm room--things you never thought you would say. I think I'm going to enjoy this semester a lot more. Things aren't so new anymore and that means there will be more business time and hopefully less 2 am hey I'm hungry lets go to the 24 hour mickey-dees runs ^_^ hehe...we need to buy groceries =D Like a beast man I'm talking Frosted Flakes and Milk and Coffee ^_^ Anyway also the mates and I have finally figured out a garbage disposal system AKA Take out your own god damned trash--so there should be damn near zero fighting over that but I'm sure the dishes are still going to sit in the sink...being washed only when that one item is needed ^_^ My goal this semester is to not let my room become a hanus mess...I only sleep there for the love of god...how it gets so messy I'll never know....I hope we can just get an apartment off campus because we're basically paying 12 grand between the 3 of us to stay in that hole in the wall.....that ain't cool...

Q have you done any of your homework for school in advance like we planned--I sure didn't and I know now it's gonna bit me in the ass... T_T

Well look for a new layout in the coming days and also the Teen Titan cake ^_^ oh yeah fear that!
Bye!

Whoo...guess what? My mom passed the buck and now I have to make Ben's Birthday Cake ^^ Ben's b-day is tomorrow......you can see how I might want to hit my mom with the cake mold....=D At fist I had no idea but after rummaging in our cabinets I found 2 rectangular molds...and that's it. No cake mix no frosting nothing....so I have to go buy that stuff. I did figure out what I'm making the cake shapped as. Can you guess? Oh yeah Teen Titan Tower---what else am I suppose to make??? While looking for an image of it on google I found this
You are most like Raven. Quiet and usually soft
spoken, you don't like crowds and can be
slightly gothic. You try to repress your
emotions for one reason or another but one of
your most powerful emotions is your anger. Your
temper sometimes gets the best of you and when
that happens those in your way would wish they
weren't. You seem somewhat creepy to others and
you earn a few odd stares but who cares? You
aren't an outdoors person and avoid venturing
outside when you can. You are generally the
smart one and maybe not by trying to, the most
cynical and sarcastic of the bunch which can be
good or bad. You don't like anyone invading
your privacy and you don't seem to be all that
social. But for what it's worth you can be
quite handy in a tough situation. You are drawn
to the darkness or night most of the time. You
appear mysterious and/or potentially dangerous
at times and not everyone trusts you right
away.

Which Teen Titans Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


I had to take it ^^ I'm posting it because I want Jon to take it =D Anyway I'll take a pic of the cake for laughs when it's done bye

Hey! Happy New Year Sports fans! Okay the first blog of the year I want to make this as positive as humanly possible, but you all know I'm kinda the glass is half empty kinda gal so let's not run too far away from Tradition.

Things are not looking up at home. My father and I hash it out almost everyday. If I could I would throw my shit in a whopping bag and move back into the dorms but I can't-not until the 11th I think? Q can you check that for me. Since my dad is going to Iraq in 3 weeks he decided to give me the Jeep. Let me tell you how I feel about the Jeep....

I FUCKING HATE THE JEEP.

Number one first gear and is completely useless....in the Nissan I could go at least 15, 20 mph in 1st no problem--this thing can't even do 10 mph. And 2nd gear is almost non exsistant! Next the handeling on this thing is terrible I have to be so careful when I trun because I can feel the weight of the car at all times. Then on top of all this it can't go more that 60 mph without shaking....the highway to Macon where I had my wreck....the limit is 70.....Jon dear god you know what I'm talking about.
I told my dad straight up..I don't want this thing and he said you're going to take it and you're going to like it and you're not going to mess it up. I just looked at him like he was out of his fuckin' mind. No one listens to me. But since the thing was forced upon me I may be making a few appearances in the 706 areas.

Next on the agenda--my phone doesn't have the best signal here. Whenever I can get the thing to actually work I get thrown off every few minutes. The thing really only works between 9-11 am. So the rest of the day I'm in Perfect Dark ^_^ I finally got up during this time and was able to check my voice mail...::cough cough:: 32 messages........mostly from Michael, whom I called today because I wrote down who called and what day and what about so I could do call backs according to priority and well you know the man was in tears doing an 8 mile walk I think that constitutes as high priority...plus he called 18 times. Anyway Q also called but it was mostly please be alive and happy holidays :P and I texted-ed her on those kinda days, a few from Keisha...who is in Idaho at some number I can never reach and one or 2 from sean...who whenever I call I get his voicemail. So if you're trying to find me....lol e-mail me please.

I reaaaaally want a new blog layout but I don't have the technology here.

Oh! Ben is on a basketball team now!! His team had their first game today--sadly they lost 12 to 16. They hadn't practiced in 2 weeks so...yeah.

Geimer and I have started talking a lot more lately which I see as a Kim victory so I will share it to the world! Since we all know how reclusive he can be I find it quiet an accomplishment that I was able to find him.

So.....yeah I think that's it...nothing really of importance....um shot out to the roomies--I got a burner....um bring a pot and a pan :D We're going to eat for real this semester!

Okay so yeah...Talk to you all soon!